History of Wadiya

Significant Dates:

5680 B.A.(Before Aladeen):

Adamadeen has sexual relations with Eveadeen in the Garden of Edenadeen, producing Abrahamadeen, who started roaming the Earth looking for a land worthy to be named Wadiya.

5636 B.A.:

Abrahamadeen finds a suitable land – it is ruled by the terrorist Genghis Khan, who is easily defeated using conventional weapons (spears) and for the first time ever, chemical weapons (a mixture of rowan berries, snake venom, and urine).

5600 B.A. – 280 B.A.:

Three separate nomadic tribes roam the Wadiyan desert in small circles, never bumping into each other for thousands of years.

280 B.A.:

The three Wadiyan tribes finally meet in the indentured servitude of imperialist colonial work camps.

100 B.A. – 20 B.A.:

"The Hot Potato Period" begins when Italians claim control of Wadiya. A few years later, they trade Wadiya to Switzerland for a truckload of cheese. Switzerland later pays Germany to take Wadiya off its hands. Within weeks, German officials convinces the Wadiyans that they want independence.

20 B.A.:

Wadiya gains independence and Samak Sharif is elected president. Sharif declares that Wadiya will be a beacon of peaceful progress. Within hours, he is simultaneously beheaded by two rival assassins.

19 B.A.:

Two rainbows appear in the sky, the trees bow down, and the birds begin to sing the national anthem as the living god Omar Aladeen descends from heaven straight into the throne.

0 B.A.:

Aladeen is born. He delivers himself, cuts his own umbilical cord, and immediately delivers a most-inspiring speech criticizing the treachery of the Western nations.

0 B.A. – Present:

A period of indescribable joy that only increases with each day that Aladeen so charitably chooses to remain our leader despite being so very overqualified for the position.